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| As things are adjusting my attitude and perspective is shifting towards the positive side. Asian American Association was super fun :) I finally sense my part in this community. well... sort of. I know theres more to me that i need to develop, but its finally starting to feel better than just some place to grab my education, my degree and peace. i really need to wrap my mind around the fact that there is much, much more than meets the eye. I miss my friends back home but comparing them to the people i meet here isn't going to make life easier or make it easier for others to accept me. I'm glad for the older people that have extended their hand, shoulder and ear for me here. I rarely have time, or rather, the mindset to log onto here and update but I'm glad for the several minutes of break that allows me to. Roomie is turning out to be an introverted sweetie. Plus Keyshia Cole makes my day.
hahaha the fun days :) | | |
| ahhhh overwhelming. this is the latest i've been up at spu. i'm sure more sleepless nights are to come. the only reason i am awake at 1 am is because the fred meyers special was today. mmm now i have some goodies in my dorm room to snack on so i can be on the road to being a complete fat ass. ... not that i wasn't one anyways. i know i sound really college freshmany and lame but i am so overwhelmed and exhausted from learning about other people and meeting other people. i really miss my intimate relationships with other girls that i'm comfortable being myself around. :T but i know everyone else is probably going through the same thing and that this should be expected. i'm not unhappy! just exhausted. i'm trying not to complain so sorry if this entry comes off as whiny... for the two people that actually read my entries haha. i hope i haven't spent a lot of money on textbooks. and i really miss my guy friends. the 3:1 girl to guy ratio thing is now driving me crazy! i want some testosterone chilling in my life. ahhhh haha. anyways thats the end of me, i'm going to pass out. i hope you are having an excellent time in collegeeee. | | |
| I feel like I'm julie from Julie and Julia, not quite knowing who is reading this and who actually cares. But excited at the fact that someone may be reading this and actually enjoying my abnormal and arbitrary thoughts. Well, maybe not excited but comforted. I'm also comforted by the fact that no one actually reads this too. haha I contradict myself in so many ways. I've been reading Julie and Julia fyi, after watching it i saw the book and immediately grabbed it. :) I'm pretty content at the moment, not sure what else i should say in this entry. Just letting it all flow out i guess. If you have some time and want to read a well written book i recommend White Oleander by Janet Fitch, its really dark and depressing yet enlightening in the sense that you're not the only one in a shit hole at times. also, i've started to play the piano again. :) | | |
| I am addicted. I am what they call a faulker, ie a facebook stalker. I believe i sign onto my facebook about... 5 times a day, at the least. I had forgotten this calm setting, this serene existence on the internet that nobody really cares about. well, except for you cool people out there of course. :) Oh and today i found out what netizen means, it should have been obvious but whatever. Its a good thing this place isn't like facebook or i would be censoring myself, saying things that i half-mean half don't because i don't want to sound too weird or emo. I hate it when all people can say to something that i've written is "stop being emo" as if that'll compensate for their speechlessness and obvious awkwardness to the words that came truthfully from my fingertips. Its like the awkward laugh; thats all you can do-laugh. But anyways I am really inconsistent with xanga its like that old doll you used to play with when you were little, the comfort being that it will always be there, almost waiting for you to come back. | | |
| Theres something great about imperfection. i can't explain it, lol. maybe its because i don't care to be a perfectionist or that i've given up on being "perfect". hm, not sure. But just seeing a lawn or street just perfectly covered in snow... i just wanted to ruin it, to mess it up. haha and when i said that aloud my friend agreed, so we ended up making snow angels and then rolled around in the powdery snow for a bit. I realized that i'm like that with a lot of things in life. I mean sure i like perfection in certain areas of my life (aka grades haha, not that that ever happens...) but without the imperfections, what would life be? Without those imperfections would we even appreciate those small moments of perfection? i mean all in all i am an imperfection. Not that i'm self-deprecating, i'm just saying it the way it is i guess...haha its weird having my brother home. the ho is sleeping in my bed as i type away on my computer. perfectly sleeping... like an angel... i want to ruin that too >)
and wow, three weeks of winter break... great senior year, amen?
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